I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize