My liver just broke up with me...
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
