we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
