Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
