Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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