he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
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Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
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Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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