im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
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She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
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It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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