did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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