dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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