I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
