It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
