No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize