he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
