he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
