His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Well I just put wine in my tea
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Randomize
