i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
