It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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