i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
