Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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