I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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