Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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