youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
