I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
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