the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Ladies don't puke and tell
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