The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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