Jerry, you need to find god
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Randomize
