I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
