Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
