well I can't set my house on fire every night
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize