All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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