he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
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