When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
