were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
