Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
