I'm really into asian looking animals
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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