when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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