dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
