she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
