Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
