Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
