Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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