I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
