I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
