alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Randomize
