i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
