Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
