My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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