doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
