I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
She just used a chaser for red wine.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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