I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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