I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
