he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
he fucked my hip out of place.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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