Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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