tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
