Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
