Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Randomize
