this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Tornado booty call.. dedication
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
