he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
