My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
