Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
