nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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