SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
