I puked a lego.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
