alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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