If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
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Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
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I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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