whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
